dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
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