I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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