Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
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