Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
no more duck duck goose at the bar
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
