You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
Walk of Shame today included voting.
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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