so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Randomize
