70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize
