i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
Randomize
