I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
Randomize
