just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
Randomize
