like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
Randomize
