My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Randomize
