I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
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