apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
I have fence marks all over my body
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
Randomize
