is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
Randomize
