Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
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