Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
Randomize
