1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
Randomize
