I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Randomize
