My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
Randomize
