His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
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