Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
Randomize
