every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
This can only be settled by a dance off.
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Randomize
