It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
