i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
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