You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
Omg I joined a choir last night...
Randomize
