i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
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