Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
Randomize
