Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
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