dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
