im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Randomize
