it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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