i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Randomize
