he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize
