i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
Randomize
