My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
Randomize
