So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
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