My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
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