No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
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