She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
Randomize
