She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
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