all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
im holly from the hills drunk
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
Randomize
