Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
Randomize
