Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
