The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
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