how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
Randomize
