and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
Randomize
