windsor, ontario is like a poor man's amsterdam
no, it is just poor
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
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