there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
Randomize
