you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
